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04 July 2015 @ 12:42 am
To Florida!  
I did it. I fought my way and righted my diploma. I worked and I saved money. I finished working and I applied to jobs all over the country.

But I had enough of that. I'm not a patient person. I like to see results. I'm also convinced my depression still exists.

Since rays return to China and then to Australia he talked to me less. It got to the point where I had enough and I told him to ether give me the attention I deserve or our relationship isn't going to work. Once a month face times were just absurd. We became so detached from eachother. We rekindled after I addressed it and he's been more considerate.

I don't like tolerating emptiness or loneliness in relationships. The person I am most concerned about is me. My mental health needs positive influences.

While Ray was distant from me I started to work on myself and what I wanted. Finally I concluded that I just want and need to take the plunge and go to the job I want in a state I want to be in. Would I be happy in NYS or SC or KS? No I might not be.

So I'm heading to Florida to get what I want, the job I want, in the place I want, independent, creating my own life.

I will have fears, I will have doubts. But don't let them hold me back. I will miss those I leave behind but let me not stay for them but leave for myself.
In the time I was separated from Ray I pushed this idea and dream forward. I can't stay for him. If it is our fate to be then we will make it together.
~Death Comes Fast~
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