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04 January 2015 @ 01:04 am
Updates from 2015 welcome to ldr  
I hadn't posted in a while. I'm dating ray now. I'm apprehensive and nervous about it. I took him to the air port and that was when we finally said we were official. Honestly when he brought it up I was shocked. I had forgotten to bring it up! I at some point start to comfortably assume that except when asked. I wondered if I could trust him not to cheat and play around. But I'm hopeful and trying to be secure.

I cried at the airport when I got back in the car. All that day I had a headache for no reason. It was my body telling me I'm stressed the fuck out! I didn't know it consciously I guess. I spent a month with this guy. To tie myself down to him is something I'll go up and down with.

That instant connection, attraction. Could it have occurred with anyone? Questioning fate again, I'll be here all night. But I'm glad it's brought us together.

My confidence is very small though. When the loneliness kicks in its a battle. When I tie myself to one guy it limits my attention. It might be shallow to say. But honestly there's a level of attention, love and affection we all crave.

Let's rewind it a bit. This guy he was super sweet. He carried me over mud puddles. He would walk me to my car no matter the weather. Hold my hand and kiss me. One night we went through thornden park together. He made me feel safe. Even gave me a piggy back ride. He even helped me dig out my car. We've eatten all kinds of food together. Including chinese takeout, Indian, pizza, pitas, chicken wings, lamb.

His gaming does drive me crazy sometimes. There are times I want to yell at him to pay attention to me instead of gaming. But then I settle its better to be happy to spend time together without always having to center on each other. Keeping eachother company.

Fast forward to the part where I am frustrated I haven't seen him. I miss him, when I can't share my day with him. You forget things and it becomes lost. The other person disconnects from your life. I don't want that. I'm hoping for the best. I can't conprehend his situation where he can't send me a text once a day. Just trying to be calm. I blame it on my vacation.

~death comes fast~